Understanding

Understanding 'HOMOSEXUALITY'

Many men report that they had homosexual experiences when they were young. This is often a normal part of exploring their sexuality. Men who go on to describe themselves as homosexual or 'gay' have a strong physical and emotional attraction to men that they don't usually feel for women.

There is nothing wrong with being gay
There is a lot of pressure from society for young men to be heterosexual or 'straight'. This can often cause feelings of isolation for young men who are gay and make them scared to show their sexuality. It is important to remember:

	There are gay men in every culture and every country.
	About one in 10 people are attracted to members of the same sex.

Being gay is just a form of sexuality. Unfortunately, many other people find this hard.

Why are some men gay?
There is no real explanation as to why some men are gay and others are not. Although there is no right or wrong answer to the question, two of the possible reasons suggested by researchers are:

	We are born with our sexual orientation
	Some people become gay because of some childhood experiences.

The most important thing to remember is that being gay is not a disease to be 'cured' or 'fixed'. It is just a part of the wide variety of human sexuality.

How do I know if I'm gay?
There is no easy answer to this question. There is no test or questionnaire you can complete which will answer this question for you. If you think you might be gay it is important that you:

	Don't deny your feelings.
	Take your time to explore your sexuality and what being gay might mean to you.

Remember you are not alone.

For some men, feelings that they are attracted to people of the same sex emerge when they are quite young and continue into adulthood. For others, these feelings don't actually start until later in life. Some men who are attracted to other men, are also attracted to women. This is called bisexuality.

Telling people you are gay
Before you decide to come out, you should consider who you will tell and what their reaction may be. Coming out is a long process. Be prepared for both positive and negative reactions. For some people, coming out is a positive step. For others, it is an unnecessary complication.

How can I tell if someone else is gay
You probably won't know if a man is gay until he tells you. There is no way you can tell whether a man is gay just by looking at him. How you dress and behave is about your personal identity, not about your sexuality.

Gay relationships
The major difference between gay and straight relationships is that there are two men instead of a man and a woman. Gay men fall in love and form committed relationships. Like all relationships, there will be both good and bad times. There are no rules you have to follow in gay relationships. Everyone is free to make up their own rules.

Safe sex
Sex is always a big step for a young gay man. First of all, make sure you are ready to become sexually active. You shouldn't feel forced into it. Before you become sexually active you must also consider how to do this in a safe and honest way. Talk about HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. Use condoms during intercourse and sex play to prevent contact with body fluids that could transmit a sexually transmitted disease.

Where to find more information
You can get more information from:

	The Internet - search for gay topics. Many gay groups have websites that can provide you with useful information.
	Gay and lesbian Organisation - every where has a gay and lesbian group or society. This will tell you what is on and how to access support and social groups. You can also attend gatherings, workshop, events etc.

Things to remember

There is nothing wrong with feeling or being gay.

You don't have to deal with your feelings about being gay alone. There are confidential telephone support services you can call.

Women usually question whether they are heterosexual ('straight') or lesbian when they realise they are feeling attracted to other women. Lesbians usually say their main physical, emotional and sexual feelings are for women. Many women report they have lesbian experiences or feelings but do not think of themselves as lesbians.

There is nothing wrong with being lesbian
There are lesbians in every country, culture and society. The most important thing is to be happy with who you are. Unfortunately, some women find it difficult to stand up as lesbians because their society doesn't accept it. It is important to remember that:

	It is natural for people to be attracted to members of their own sex
	Scientific evidence shows that it is normal and healthy to be a lesbian.

Why are some women lesbians?
There is no real explanation as to why some women are lesbians and others are not. Although there is no right or wrong answer to the question, two of the possible reasons suggested by researchers are:

	We are born with our sexual orientation
	Some people become gay because of some childhood experiences.

The most important thing to remember is that being lesbian is not a disease to be 'cured' or 'fixed'. It is just a part of the wide variety of human sexuality.

How do I know if I am lesbian?
There is no questionnaire or test you can complete that will tell you whether you are lesbian or not. If you are a lesbian you may:

	Feel attracted to other women.
	Feel you are different to your girlfriends or don't always 'fit in'.
	Find yourself checking out your girlfriends while they are checking out guys.
	Feel confused because you're attracted to men as well as women.

These feelings can be difficult to cope with but are all very normal. It can take time to work out how you feel about your sexuality. You should not be in a rush to work out what your sexuality is - it will develop over time. It's okay to feel unsure.

Can you tell if a woman is a lesbian?
You probably won't know if a woman is gay until she tells you. There is no way you can tell whether a woman is a lesbian just by looking at her. The way people dress is about their personal identity, not their sexuality.

Telling people you are lesbian
Before you decide to come out you should consider who you will tell and what their reaction may be. Coming out is a long process. Be prepared for both positive and negative reactions. For some people, coming out is a positive step. For others, it is an unnecessary complication.

Lesbian relationships
The major difference between lesbian and straight relationships is that there are two women, instead of a man and a woman. Lesbian women fall in love and form committed relationships. Like all relationships, there will be both good and bad times. There are no rules you have to follow in lesbian relationships. Everyone is free to make up their own rules.

Becoming sexually active
Before you have sex you should make sure:

	You are ready to become sexually active. Don't be forced into something that is not right for you.
	Both you and your partner trust and respect each other.
	You are doing it safely. Avoid contact with your partner's body fluids to reduce your risk of sexually transmitted disease.

Use dental dams if you are having oral sex. Dental dams are small sheets of latex rubber that act as a shield between the vagina and the mouth.

Getting further information
You can get more information from:

	The Internet - search for gay and lesbian topics. Many lesbian groups have websites that can provide you with useful information.
	Gay and lesbian Organisation - every where has a gay and lesbian group or society. This will tell you what is on and how to access support and social groups. You can also attend gatherings, workshop, events etc.

Things to remember

	There is nothing wrong with being lesbian.
	Some women enjoy lesbian experiences but still consider themselves 'straight'.

It can take time to work out whether you are lesbian or not. Don't rush yourself to make a decision