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Who said love was going to be like a Sunday afternoon drive in the country? A relationship may start out as a fun road trip, there There is bound to be gravel, detours, dead ends, and blockades along the way. That does not mean you should just give up and head home. Luckily, love is a two-way street, which means there is always a way out, around, or straight through the rough patches. You, and your partner, just have to decide which route to take.

Here we have identified 10 common relationship roadblocks and some rest-stop resolutions to try to work through them.

Roadblocks:

1. She/He wants sex all the time and you dont.

2. She/He wants to see other people.

3. She/He is cheap.

4. You dislike her/his family.

5. She/He is  a bad dresser.

6. She/He spends all her/his time with friends.

7. She/He hates your friends.

8. She/He wants to relocate and you dont.

9. You want to live together and she/he does not.

10. She/He does not communicate.

 

1. She/He wants sex all the time ¡ª and you do not.

It is likely she/he would forgo work, a movie, drinks with friends, and even a watching TV to have sex. Often, women's sex drives are lower than men, though women typically peak later in life. But if you keep avoiding sex or making it seem like a big deal, it is going to become a huge one.

Try to remember a time when you did like having sex more, even if it was with a former lover, and consider the differences. With pressure from your mate, it is easy to become hostile toward her/him, so try to take it as flattery that she/he finds you so attractive that she/he wants to be intimate with you all the time.

That said, it has to be a compromise, and she/he needs to understand your needs are different and that she/he cannot force you to have feelings you do not have. However, if the real problem is that you just do not enjoy intimacy with her/him, it is time to reconsider whether or not your relationship is much more than a friendship.

2. She/He wants to see other people.

This is tricky because there are so many variables. First off, ask her/him if she/he is interested in someone else. It is possible that she/he does not even have another woman/man in mind. Often, they use this line when they realize just how serious their relationship has become, and they are just scared. Either all her/his friends are single and she/he feels left out, or they are all married and she/he realizes she/he may be next.

Either way, the fact that he comes to you first means he is seeking your approval. It is natural that you do not want to give it to him; however, give him the space he wants. But make it clear that in all fairness, you intend to see other men, too (even if you have no intention of doing so). When he considers this, it may bring him back to reality and make him realize he does not want to share you with anyone else. If he does start dating other women, you need to decide what this means for your relationship and how you are going to deal with it.

3. She/He is cheap.

Does going out for dinner mean fries on the side? After a while, this can become very frustrating. But first, you need to assess the situation: Do you share costs equally or do you expect her/him to pay for everything? If the latter is true, maybe you need to start contributing to dates. If you are always spending money to do nice things, however, you need to gently point this out to her/him.

If her/his stinginess is stopping you from doing things you enjoy, you need to decide which is more important: paying for things yourself or not going at all. If she/he does not seem to appreciate when you pay to go to the theater, then go with another friend next time. You will save money and maybe enjoy the experience even more.

When all else fails, consider the opposite: She/He could spend all her/his money on bills or be a sucker for the latest gimmicks. If she/he is saving, maybe there is a goal exp : a car, a nice vacation, or a present for you. With that little bit of inspiration, try to grin and bear it. You cannot put a price on love, after all.

4. You dislike her/his family.

You have heard it before, but I will still repeat it: You are dating her/him, not her/his family. And vice versa. The sad reality is that if things go well, you two will be together longer than she/he lived with her/his parents. The most important aspect is that you two love each other.

That said, the best way to deal with relatives you do not like is to pick one quality that you do like and focus on it. If her/his mother is a penniless hippie, try to focus on her optimistic and whimsical nature. Let her take away your stress and pessimism with a bit of holistic sanguinity. If her/his father is a no-nonsense, humorless man, ask him for investment advice or help with your car.

Try to limit the frequency of your visits together by suggesting to your mate that her/his parents probably want to see her/him without you once in a while. When you do have to spend time together, plan to see a play or go for dinner at a restaurant, somewhere on mutual ground, with a timeline that fits your schedule and your sanity.

5. She/He is a bad dresser.

Are you so embarrassed to be seen with her/him that you refuse to go out in public? If that is the case, you need to focus on your internal issues, not her/his clothes. However, if the problem amounts to a few ugly sweaters or white socks with dress shoes, this is easy enough to deal with.

You have to ask yourself what is more important to you: what is on the inside or on the outside. Besides, what he wears does not reflect badly on you. You are two separate people, and everyone knows it.

6. She/He spends all her/his time with friends.

Ask yourself, "Why does this bother me so much?" Is it that she/he always puts her/his friends before you, or is it that you just do not like her/his friends? If the latter is true, think about how you should feel if she/he asked you to stop seeing your friends because she/he did not like them.

However, if she/he misses dates with you to be with her/his pals, you need to consider if the two of you are at the same stage in your relationship. Do her/his friends have partners, and are they treating theirs the same way? Or are they all bachelors?

Either way, you need to point out the fact that your partner is not in high school anymore, and she/he needs to make independent decisions. If her/his final verdict is to spend all her/his time with her/his friends, then you need to tell her/him that you are looking for more commitment, and start looking elsewhere. Keep in mind the jealousy factor, however: Does she/he have more friends than you? When she/he is out with them, are you sitting home alone? If this is the case, get yourself some new interests ¡ª join a gym, take an art class or volunteer at your favorite charity ¡ª and make some friends of your own.

7. She/He hates your friends.

Does she/he hate every single one of your friends? If that is the case, either she/he does not know them or she/he really does not know you. There is bound to be one or two of your friends that she/he does not click with, and vice versa. But your friends reflect your personality because you chose them and you value them. It is disrespectful and insulting for her/him to tell you that she/he does not like them. However, if it is just one or two friends, then do not invite her/him out whenever you spend time with that friend. But do not let her/him convince you not to see friends you treasure.

8. She/He wants to relocate and you do not.

Does she/he want you to come with her/him, or is this a hint that she/he wants to end the relationship? If she/he wants to move and you want to stay put, you have to tell her/him this. Explain to her/him that you love your job, your stability right now, and your friends. She/He should be able to understand this, and realize that the most important thing is that you two are together.

However, if she/he wants to move to advance her/his career, you may want to consider her/his goals in your decision. What if the situation were reversed? Would you move and leave her/him behind? If she/he really wants a change of scenery, let her/him go and tell her/him you will discuss things in six months. This will give you the time to see what is most important to both of you, and what makes you happiest ¡ª each other or your surroundings.

9. You want to live together, and she/he does not.

Or vice versa. When you two have discussed this possibility and do not agree, it is difficult because one person ends up with hurt feelings. You may need to ask yourself a few questions: How long have you been together? Would you find a new place or is someone attached to his or her pad? How much time do you spend at each others homes right now? These factors all play a big part in cohabitation.

If she/he loves her/his place and does not want to give it up, you have to consider whether you should feel comfortable moving your belongings into it. If not, then it is probably better that you keep your own abodes. If you are the one who isn't ready for cohabitation, offer to stay over more regularly or invite her/him over more often. Perhaps one of you isn't ready to totally give up his or her privacy. You may want to consider living together, but keeping separate bedrooms.

Cohabitation is often more blissful in theory than in practice, so for now, try to remind yourself of the unromantic aspects of living together that you are evading examples; dirty dishes, laundry, taking out the garbage, and sharing a bathroom ¡ª and be glad you still have the excitement of getting ready for dates.

10. She/He does not communicate.

This is a common problem, since some love to talk about every aspect of their lives and their emotions. Has this problem changed since you started dating? If she/he is more communicative about her/his emotions now than at the beginning, then you have to accept that she/he is trying, and she/he is being herself/himself.

If, however, she/he is regressed, you should assess what has changed. Perhaps she/he has other stresses, or perhaps you have changed, too. If you noticed her/him withdrawing, you are probably being even more invasive, which is causing her/him to clam up as a hint that you should back off.

Try to relax and stop obsessing about her/his emotions and the way she/he feels about you. Remember that communication is not only a verbal exchange but a physical one as well. Is she/he affectionate with you? If so, then you should not worry that she/he loves you. She/He may even feel that showing you is much more effective than mumbling, "I love you," offhandedly, and wonder why you do not feel the same.

Every relationship is going to have problems. What you need to decide is which problems are worth working through in order to keep the relationship going. There may always be something that maddens you, but remember, there is probably something you do that infuriates her/him, too.

You need to take a glimpse at the map of your relationship as a whole, rather than every individual curve in the road. The little twists and turns add excitement, and as long as you enjoy each other's company, with love and mutual respect, the rough patches should be worth sticking out. Just make sure you are taking turns driving and navigating, and the rewards will be memorable sights and experiences that you will treasure forever.

 

by Chantel Guertin

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