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As
an older butch who came out in the sixties it has been interesting,
enlightening, and sometimes alarming, to see the myriad varieties of the
butch gender in the queer world today. In the 'old days' butches
basically identified as just that, butch. There was rarely any discussion
in the butch-femme circles I inhabited of any varieties of butch.
Female-to-male transsexuals were rarely heard of and I didn't know
anyone who knew anyone who had ever taken male hormones or had their
breasts removed or male sex organs constructed. For the butches of today
there are so many choices, almost too many. Soft butch, butch, stonebutch,
TG butch, FTM. To transition or not to transition, to pass or not.
Constant questioning of who you are and where you fit in. "Am I butch
enough?" Is there a butch hierarchy? And you worry about other
butches accepting you as you are if you're not just like them. And maybe
you think you need to be the kind of butch other butches are, but you're
so confused. It IS a struggle to be a butch. To find out who you are, and
how you are. To face the rejection of family and friends, and even lovers,
if you find that you're a TG butch or FTM, or just simply a butch who has
a very masculine identity.
There
has been a lot of talk over the past year or two among my circle of online
and real-life butch and femme friends about "butch flight", the
increasing number of butches who are choosing to transition, who become FTMs, take hormones, have breast removal and begin living their lives as
men. The goal is to "pass" as male. The goal for some butches who id
as TG or transgender is also to pass as male though generally without
the use of male hormones and breast surgery.
Why
are there more young butches choosing to transition these days? Partly
it's because of the increased availability of male hormones and breast
removal surgery which just weren't readily available to the butches of
yesteryear. Maybe there were many butches in earlier decades who felt they
would be happier living as males, but the tools to achieve this just
weren't available. Some of the reasons I've heard in discussions are
that it's hard to be a very masculine butch in society, to find
acceptance, both in the queer community and in the heterosexual community.
That it's difficult to find partners who understand, accept and validate
the butch's masculine identity. That it would be easier to meet women if
one were a male, that it would be easier to have the job/career one wants.
That they wouldn't have to wonder which bathroom to use out in public.
And for some, that they truly have always felt male, and felt that they
were born into the wrong body. That they have struggled with their female
body and have never made peace with it. And, that being a butch just
isn't enough for them, they need to be a man.
What
I have found alarming is the quickness with which some have reached the
decision to transition and then completed it. I have been concerned about
a few butches I've known or heard of who went from being straight to being
a lesbian to being a butch to being a TG butch to being FTM in a year or
two. That seems like an awful lot of changes in a relatively short time.
The decision to transition, to make such a radical life-changing and
body-changing decision is one which, to my way of thinking, should be a
lengthy process. I do believe that FTM is definitely the right decision
for some people, especially those who have had a strong male, not just
masculine, identity. And for whom butch was the closest identity to who
they felt they were. It just didn't fit for their final identity, they
needed more. It was a stopping point in their journey, but not the end of
their journey. |
However,
I am also somewhat disturbed that there seems to be a general trend that
being a butch, a masculine-identified female, is simply not enough
anymore, that being a male, or passing as a male is preferable. I see the
butch community shrinking in some respects due to this trend. I also see
it dichotomizing into soft butches and TG/FTM butches. I talk with very
few young butches these days who say they are simply a butch. I find a
couple of things about this disturbing. First, I wonder if we have
incorporated into our community the prevailing societal attitudes that
value maleness more than femaleness. Butches and their masculinity are
certainly discussed more in the butch-femme community than femmes and
their femininity. Second, are we losing sight of the goal to fight the
binary gender system? The one that says there are only two genders, man
and woman? My goal is to educate others, both within the gay community and
the straight community that butch is its own unique gender, and that there
are other unique genders as well. I know this is the goal of many other
butches and femmes. That gender fluidity is important and gives credence
to all, however we may identify. I love being an obvious butch, a
gender-bender. I love being masculine-identified in a female body. I
appreciate that butches have the choice to be as masculine as they choose
to be, as they need to be, as they want to be. Masculinity belongs to
everyone, not just to males. I like being a visible part of the queer
community, and a member of the butch-femme community. Many FTMs, once
their transition is complete, no longer feel they belong in the
butch-femme community. They find they have less in common with their butch
brothers as they assume their identities as males.
Many
butches have had the experience of wondering if they should have been born
male, of feeling cheated when they were forced by adolescence to 'tone
it down'. Many talk of their discomfort with their female body. Many of
us have made peace with our bodies, have come to be comfortable in being a
butch. We have found and bonded with other butches and gained strength,
acceptance and validation through our associations with other butches in
real life and in the cyber community. We go through the butch struggles
together, where in times past we went through them alone, with no mentors
and no guides. I do see the butch community growing smaller through
'butch flight' and it saddens me. It saddens me because the
combination of masculine expression and our having been born and living as
females, is something unique. Butch gender is something that should be
nurtured, encouraged, valued and embraced.
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