Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

A Transperson finding his space in this gender binary world

3-0 Knockout lines

"If you become a man, why would I date you? I might as well start going out with men."

 --lesbian girlfriend
 

"Why don't you go to the gym and workout instead of spending RM65 a month on the injections?"

-- fellow feminist friend.

"I won't work with you if you become a man."
--best buddy who is also a feminist.

Bisexual FTM

I changed my identity, and I wonder who would send me hearts. When I was butch and lesbian, femmes would drop me hearts, say hi sexy. Now, I wonder if they still would, or men might be more interested now. What kind of men, I wonder.

The more male I am, the more open I am to being sexual with men. Strange, in a counter intuitive sort of way. But why? only if you link sexuality with gender, would you think it strange.

Perhaps it is just plain horniness from the T's that I would do anything that moves. Perhaps, now I am not as hard on men. Men are not bad, they're just privileged. The more I see myself as man, the less the "other" they are to me.

I did a health check. My cholesterol is a little high, and my liver globulin is a little low. Is it the T? I hear that the liver has to work harder processing testosterone. Maybe it's that. Lower globulin level has something to do with low antibodies and lowered immunity.

I should stop drinking. That's the worse thing you can do to your liver. But today is my friend's birthday, and we are going to a Karaoke. How will I not drink and sing? She's coming. She'll sing with her beautiful, quiet voice. I love her and hate her. I want her body. I can't find her heart. She's all brain. A compulsive thinker. Stop. Stop thinking.