Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

A Transperson finding his space in this gender binary world

There's a doctor in Jalan Ipoh who does it for us trans people. FTM or MTF. She was introduced to me by a fellow FTM. Dr K. It's great that there is someone who would do it for us.
 

But she's weird. She asked me a few questions ..."you must be really confused" and took furtive glances at my chest. I tried to ignore her surreptitious stares.
 

She continued: "But it's ok, we have alot of these people. We don't know what the cause is, it must be something in the brain, we don't know yet."

She is such a caricature.

I asked her what the side effects of the testosterone injections. She paused and said, well, your voice will deepen, you will grow some facial hairs... but since you want those to happen, then, they're not side effects.

So, what will the hormones do? I mean will I have liver problems?

"No, no, but you know testosterone, they are male hormones, and men are animals! You will be more aggressive!"

I've always felt "different." I remember feeling it at the age of 6, like I don't belong. I was already a transvestite at that age. I remember fighting with my mom because I didn't want to wear a dress to school. I wanted

28 years later, and I've decided to do something. Feminism serves its purpose and I am grateful. It helped me to come to terms with my attraction to girls. But it also sidetracked me.
 

I took my first T-jab today. It costs me RM65 (less than GDP10) per jab, on my butt, and instantly I felt something .. swirling in my body/head? can't pintpoint, but I think my heart opened, or increase in heartbeat. It is a small vial, Sustanon, anabolic steroids. 250mg. You can get generics smuggled from Pakistan for half the price, but she said it's better to get the original at least for first timers... more effective. One jab every three weeks...Man.. it's doing it again, must be them hormones. Likeaa heat inside moving outwards. I think I will turn into a Hulk.