Malaysia

The teen years and estrogen.

Do not ever be a girl! said my parents

In my junior high school years I became a Christian. I hopped from one church to the other but was always rejected. I was very attached to girls, and that caused the churches to think I was some kind of a sex maniac. Perhaps it was from my curiosity on why I did not have periods and did not grow breasts that I asked the girls questions that got me condemned by the churches. I always wanted to know why I am different.

The teen years & journey of discovery

I donned a pinafore and went to my friend¡¯s Methodist Girls School open day once and when I came home and my mother saw me in it, she cried. My father was furious. I was canned and scolded. They finally let go of the issue after one month, with a stern warning that if they ever see me in girl¡¯s clothing again, they would disown me. That was probably what caused my relationship with my parents start to deteriorate. But I still secretly bought some nice clothes and undergarments for myself, and wear them when my parents are sleeping at night, admiring myself in front of the mirror.

After much events and incidents happening throughout junior high, I finally realized what was wrong with me. I cannot fit in. The common phrase a girl trapped in a man¡¯s body is becoming, so I decided to start protecting myself. I started to try act like a boy. I would shout when I speak and began to get active in sports. I simply went and got myself a girlfriend, in which my parents still complained because she was too dark skinned for a Chinese. By the end of junior high, I begged my parents to get me another school. I successfully transferred from SM Methodist ACS to SM Anderson by Form 4.

I managed to get some friends there and got involved in some of the gangs, but even then the boys think there was something wrong with my attitude. Maybe it was because they feel I was still not boy enough. I fell in love with Teh, a cute guy during Form 5. I confessed to him and he freaked out. It was then the students suspected I was gay, and I was branded something of a freak again. I stumbled through my SPM, and left my high school years on a sour note.

The first encounter with Estrogen

I braved myself one day to chat with a girl in one of the dark alleys in Ipoh. These were the very people branded the same nicknames as I was. The difference is, they have breasts. Really big ones! I asked them how I am able to get breasts like that. They directed me to a nearby pharmacy in old town Ipoh and I got myself a box with 6 slides, each slide with 21 pills. The blue box reads ¡®Marvalon¡¯.

After several weeks of using the ¡®supplement¡¯ I started to notice changes in me. I was getting pretty. My acne problems seemed to be going away. I felt more feminine and confident. It was like as if my soul system was healing, and with it the years of frustration. But I know it meant I could not stay home for long, so I ran away after realizing my chest was expanding and stayed with an auntie in Ipoh Garden. I experimented to the extent of sex to gather more information on how to be a girl.

I got my first boyfriend at last, and decided to leave Ipoh. My changes were now noticeable. I was attracting a different kind of attention, with weird stares. The sisters in the dark alleys of Ipoh already told me that in time no one will be able to accept me, and I will stand a better chance to live if I got to Kuala Lumpur. So when my boyfriend offered me a place to stay there, I jumped at the chance. So off I go, to the bright lights of the big city I have always heard about on TV. There, I would be Suki