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All of us have experienced it at one time or another. We
come home from a first date, sure that we've just spent the first
night of the rest of our lives with our true soul mate. Mr or Miss
Destiny. The One. And then, we never hear from them again.
As we sit by the phone, waiting for that second date call (or call-back)
we first begin to doubt the efficiency of the phone company. Then we
start to wonder if Mr./Miss Right had to suddenly leave the country in
the middle of the night, without a chance to call. Then, realization
hits. You're not going to hear from them, and you wonder how you could
have had such a magical experience, while they, clearly, were
unimpressed.
Fortunately, there are some clues to help you figure out if your first
date is really a heart-to-heart connection, or a just one-sided
illusion. Next time you're on a first date, keep an eye out for these
telltale signals:
Give 'em a Body Check
When to people are really making a connection, their bodies line up
(toe to toe, heart to heart, face to face) and they tend to mimic each
other's gestures and voice levels. Which means if your date is
soft-spoken and you're a shake-the-walls loudmouth, you'll both
instinctively feel that something is a bit off-kilter.
Signs your date is going well:
Watch to see if you find
your date is mirroring your gestures, a strong indicator that the date
is on-track. Another positive signal is if your date is leaning towards
you as you speak. Other good signs to watch for including nodding and
tilting the head to the side as you are speaking, an indicator your date
is interested in what you have to say.
Danger sign: If your date is crossing his or her arms
while you're speaking, it is generally a sign of resistance or anger.
Flirting or Faking?
When a date is going well, there's bound to be a lot of flirting going
on from both sides of the table. Key signs your date is interested
include smiling, extended eye contact and biting or licking the lip.
(theirs, not yours...) Another key signal for both sexes is low-level
non-sexual touching such as a brush of the elbow, arm or leg.
Signs your date is going well:
Preening or grooming
behavior (such as smoothing down clothes, reapplying lipstick, running a
hand over the hair) is a clear sign someone is interested. For women,
the classic flirting move is the crossing or uncrossing of the legs,
while men tend to stand a little broader when they're flirting and throw
their shoulders back.
Danger sign:
Keep an eye out for flirting that isn't
accompanied by other "I like you" behaviors -- this can
indicate a purely sexual, not romantic interest.
Two-step on the Doorstep
Another key indicator of a successful (or bad, bad, bad) first date is
drop-off behavior when the date is finished. Does your date see you into
your front door, or drop you off at the curb and speed off into the
night before you have a chance to say, "Thanks for the
linguine" and find your keys? Another positive sign is the
goodnight kiss that leaves you wanting more, but ends mutually on the
doorstep. (A signal you're both willing to save a little something for
date number two.)
Signs the date has gone well:
When your date makes a
specific suggestion for another date, (such as, what are you doing next
Tuesday?) rather than a generic "I'll call you" it's a
positive signal that they are definitely interested in seeing you again.
Other encouraging signs include lingering after the date is clearly over
(you're in your doorway, goodnight kisses have been exchanged and he's
still hanging around on the porch...)
Danger sign:
Possibly the worst first date doorstep signal is
when one person leans in for the goodnight smooch, and the other sticks
out their hand for a handshake. A less-obvious sign is a quick kiss or
hug, followed by a pat on the back (which can indicate discomfort with
the embrace.)
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