An informal poll among my lesbian ¡®crowd¡¯ about their dating preferences. Overwhelmingly, 50% of those who responded choose ¡®lipstick femme types¡¯ over ¡®soft butch¡¯, ¡®all the way butch¡¯, ¡®something in between¡¯ or ¡®whoever looks cutest at the moment¡¯.

I was not surprised. What did surprise me is that only 7% of those who responded seemed to not really care at all about a specific ¡®appearance¡¯ type. I was really hoping that more would go for whoever seemed cute and available at the time, regardless of ¡®how¡¯ they looked.

Now, I¡¯m not talking about ¡®quality¡¯ of appearance here, but rather ¡®type¡¯ of appearance. For instance, at this point in my life I would say I qualify (if I must) as a soft butch ¨C or at least in the ¡®in between¡¯ category. Having transitioned during the last year from lipstick femme to kind of butch ¨C I¡¯ve found out more than I wanted to know about how your appearance type can effect your success in dating.

When I use to deck myself out in revealing ¡®femme¡¯ clothes, spend an hour on my hair and twenty minutes picking out that lipstick shade ¨C I got a lot more interest from potential dates. Quite simply, all I had to do was walk into a dyke bar and roving eyes would follow me from the door to the table. Very often, a fresh drink appeared before me within ten minutes of arrival. I was courted by femmes, soft butches, stone butches ¨C hell, even threesomes and those so androgynous I was even quite sure who was sending me drinks. I even got quite friendly with pre-op tran that I would have been quite willing to take to bed (except she ended up preferring my sister). Much of the time I was being offered drinks (and nightcaps), I was attached, but even stating that didn¡¯t always end the pursuits.

Transition to now. I¡¯ve ditched the skirts and the lipstick ¨C cut off the hair and now parade around in loose jeans and a T-shirt. When I feel somewhat dressy, I might dab on some foundation and pull on a button-up. I¡¯m way too curvy and walk too much like a girl to ever be considered a real butch ¨C but these simple changes have definitely altered how I¡¯m perceived by the ¡®crowd¡¯. When I walk into a bar now, the heads just don¡¯t turn like they used to. I haven¡¯t been offered a drink in ages and I certainly no longer find myself with cute chicks lining up to ask me for a slow dance. Have I really changed that much? I still sport the same relatively attractive face, the same moderately decent curvy body ¨C but apparently the fact that my ass is in jeans and not a skirt has a profound effect on my potential as a prospective mate (or one-night stand).

The sad truth is; women like femme women. Just like the poll results said. Even sadder ¨C I¡¯m the same damn way. I certainly get the hots over some women regardless of their basic ¡®type¡¯. There are several semi to hard core butches I know that I drool over and androgynous types have always sent my tongue to wagging. However, eight times out of ten, it is the ¡®femmes¡¯ that turn my head.

For example, I knew a girl I ran into back I was stage managing in various theaters that I had absolute lust over. Long summer-blond hair, soft angelic face and curves that just make you blush to think about. Just being near her made my head spin and I cursed her girlfriend¡¯s existence constantly. However, two years later I ran into her and barely even noticed her. All that beautiful, gorgeous hair had been cropped off and she was wearing some outfit that made all her curves seem like boyish bumps.

Then, and now, I wondered what the hell was wrong with me. Actually, what the hell is wrong with all of us?

Femmes want femmes, butches want femmes, everybody wants femmes. (With some refreshing exceptions here and there.)

Really though, appearance means nothing. When I was a raving femme, I was also a hardcore top ¨C I was an aggressive lover who rarely bowed to anyone in the bedroom. I also hated it when my date paid for everything and I opened the doors any chance I could get. The fact that I wore a skirt and lipstick had nothing to do with my basic personality traits. I may have looked pretty in a dress, but I was also loud, rude, crude and socially unacceptable. I smoked, drank hard liquor and cursed like a sailor. Nor does taking off the makeup and wearing baggy jeans and button-ups make my body less attractive in its naked state. Now that I¡¯ve grown up a bit, just because I might sometimes look a little butch doesn¡¯t mean I always want to be in control in the bedroom either. I dare any dainty femme girl to top me as a bottom now. :)

In the end, I feel I am both a victim and a perpetuator of the lesbian dating ¡®stereotypes¡¯. I hate that I get hardly any attention now that I¡¯m not a perky femme ¨C but I also can¡¯t help pursuing those perky femmes whenever I get the chance. I don¡¯t know if us girls will ever really be able to see past the ¡®types¡¯ and really appreciate what is underneath.

In theater, you are supposed to picture everyone naked when you are on stage to make you feel less nervous. Perhaps, when we are out searching for that special someone ¨C we too should picture everybody naked. Then again, that comes with another whole set of issues ¨C like the fact that we seem to still be stuck in the ¡®only thin people are beautiful¡¯ social idiocy trap.