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The teen years
& journey of discovery
I donned a pinafore
and went to my friend¡¯s Methodist Girls School open day once and when I
came home and my mother saw me in it, she cried. My father was furious.
I was canned and scolded. They finally let go of the issue after one
month, with a stern warning that if they ever see me in girl¡¯s clothing
again, they would disown me. That was probably what caused my
relationship with my parents start to deteriorate. But I still secretly
bought some nice clothes and undergarments for myself, and wear them
when my parents are sleeping at night, admiring myself in front of the
mirror.
After much events and
incidents happening throughout junior high, I finally realized what was
wrong with me. I cannot fit in. The common phrase a girl trapped in a
man¡¯s body is becoming, so I decided to start protecting myself. I
started to try act like a boy. I would shout when I speak and began to
get active in sports. I simply went and got myself a girlfriend, in
which my parents still complained because she was too dark skinned for a
Chinese. By the end of junior high, I begged my parents to get me
another school. I successfully transferred from SM Methodist ACS to SM
Anderson by Form 4.
I managed to get some
friends there and got involved in some of the gangs, but even then the
boys think there was something wrong with my attitude. Maybe it was
because they feel I was still not boy enough. I fell in love with Teh, a
cute guy during Form 5. I confessed to him and he freaked out. It was
then the students suspected I was gay, and I was branded something of a
freak again. I stumbled through my SPM, and left my high school years on
a sour note.
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The
first encounter with Estrogen
I braved myself one
day to chat with a girl in one of the dark alleys in Ipoh. These were
the very people branded the same nicknames as I was. The difference is,
they have breasts. Really big ones! I asked them how I am able to get
breasts like that. They directed me to a nearby pharmacy in old town
Ipoh and I got myself a box with 6 slides, each slide with 21 pills. The
blue box reads ¡®Marvalon¡¯.
After several weeks of using the ¡®supplement¡¯ I started to notice
changes in me. I was getting pretty. My acne problems seemed to be going
away. I felt more feminine and confident. It was like as if my soul
system was healing, and with it the years of frustration. But I know it
meant I could not stay home for long, so I ran away after realizing my
chest was expanding and stayed with an auntie in Ipoh Garden. I
experimented to the extent of sex to gather more information on how to
be a girl.
I got my first boyfriend at last, and decided to leave Ipoh. My changes
were now noticeable. I was attracting a different kind of attention,
with weird stares. The sisters in the dark alleys of Ipoh already told
me that in time no one will be able to accept me, and I will stand a
better chance to live if I got to Kuala Lumpur. So when my boyfriend
offered me a place to stay there, I jumped at the chance. So off I go,
to the bright lights of the big city I have always heard about on TV.
There, I would be Suki
 
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